Go Joe!

I found this online at work today. I thought it was great.

The url for the article is http://www.slate.com/id/2206832/

"The Hidden Man of Christmas
Putting St. Joseph back in the picture.
By James Martin
Updated Tuesday, Dec. 23, 2008, at 7:01 AM ET
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Christmas cards tend to fall into three categories: the family card (cheerful children in red and green sweaters), the secular card (snowmen, snowflakes, snowy villages), and the religious card. The religious card usually bears a portrait of the Virgin Mary gazing beatifically at the crib of her newborn son, Jesus. Behind her, the picture is just as some of the Gospels describe: shepherds, animals, maybe even the three wise men, though they actually were late on the scene.

But where's St. Joseph? Where is the man to whom, according to the Gospel of Matthew, an angel announced the birth of Jesus? Where is the guy who married Mary even though she was already "with child," the man who helped to raise Jesus, the carpenter who taught Jesus his craft?

He's off to the side or stuck in the back, behind a shepherd. And he's old, balding, and stooped, looking more like Mary's father than her husband. Sometimes, he's not there at all. Many Christmas cards show just Mary and Jesus. And how many carols even mention Joseph? He is at the Nativity scene and in American Christmas traditions. That's a loss since Joseph can be a powerful figure not only for fathers but also for the average believer.

For a number of reasons, Joseph has presented something of a problem for the Catholic Church over the past two millennia. The miracle of Christmas was not only that God became human but also that this was accomplished through a virgin. Naturally, Mary is one of the stars of the story. But the emphasis on her virginity may have meant that her marriage to Joseph may have been an uncomfortable reality—after all, if they were married, didn't they, well, have sex? That flew in the face of what became an early tradition in the Catholic Church—Mary's "perpetual virginity."

Better, then, to have Joseph in the background. Some scholars have posited that this is also the reason that he is portrayed as elderly in all those paintings, even though some experts estimate he was around 30 years old at the time of Jesus' birth. Lawrence Cunningham, a professor of theology at Notre Dame and author of A Brief History of the Saints, told me, "Nine times out of 10 in Christian art, Joseph takes on more of father-protector role rather than a husband. That was a way of solving the sexuality problem." Cunningham points out that in some paintings, Joseph is shown dozing off in the corner of the stable or even leaving the scene of the Nativity entirely, "out of modesty."

But don't blame Western artists for giving Joseph short shrift. They didn't have much material to go on. Joseph is given no lines to speak in any of the Gospels, and he disappears entirely after Jesus' childhood. Significantly, he is absent during Jesus' public ministry and even at the Crucifixion, where Mary is featured prominently. This has led some scholars to believe that he must have died before the end of Jesus' earthly life.

So what do we know about Joseph? Apart from his trade—he's called a tekton in the Gospels, which is usually translated as carpenter but is more likely a general craftsman—not much. But Pheme Perkins, a professor of the New Testament at Boston College and the author of the widely used textbook Reading the New Testament, says you can draw some interesting conclusions if you read the Gospels carefully.

"The most obvious assumption in antiquity would have been that Joseph had been married before and was a widower," she said. "Most likely, an arrangement was made for him to find a young wife." This is the basis for the Catholic tradition that Jesus' "brother and sisters," who are mentioned in the Gospels, were from Joseph's first marriage. (Mainline Protestant churches are more comfortable with the possibility that Mary could have given birth to other children after the birth of Jesus.)

And given that Mary seems not to have been forced to remarry after her husband's death—the tradition in first-century Palestine—Joseph must have been a good provider, too. "He must have left them well-off," Perkins said. However, she's not certain that his portrayal as an elderly man in so many works of Christian art necessarily had to do with sexuality. "We usually make revered figures older," she said. "If you look at most of the paintings of St. Peter and St. Paul, they look older, no matter what stage of life they're in."

Though most of Joseph's life goes unmentioned in the Gospels, he carried out an astonishingly important task: raising the son of God. For the first years of Jesus' life, and perhaps into young adulthood, he would have learned much of what he knew about the Jewish faith from his mother and his foster father. Perhaps the practices Jesus learned alongside Joseph in the carpentry shop—patience, hard work, creativity—were put to good use in his later ministry. Joseph represents the holiness of the "hidden life," doing meaningful things without fanfare.

Perkins and Cunningham both see Joseph as a central figure in the Nativity story, one who can speak to contemporary men and women. The Gospel of Matthew makes clear that he is a "righteous man" who does what God asks of him. After discovering Mary's pregnancy, Joseph thinks of "quietly" ending their marriage plans, so as not to "disgrace" her. But an angel reassures him in a dream. "Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife," says the angel, who explains the unusual circumstances of the birth. Joseph's "righteousness" enables him to listen to God and carry out his difficult task.

His personality shines through wordlessly. "Here is a model of someone who represents all the virtues in the Hebrew Bible," says Perkins. "He is asked to do something shocking, but because he's righteous, he follows God's guidance. And it's no fun—not only to deal with that, but with the rest of the story—the flight into Egypt, too."

During that latter part of the Christmas story, when the holy family flees from the murderous King Herod, Joseph was responsible for protecting Mary and her son in extreme conditions. Moreover, says Perkins, "To have to take your family into Egypt—that's not a direction that Jewish stories want to go. It's the wrong way." She calls him a "model for how people can follow God through difficult times."

Maybe it's time to take a fresh look at this "model" and restore him to his rightful place in the Christmas story. Remember his natural age. Reimagine him in our art. And recall his very human example of "following God through difficult times." That's something that can offer encouragement not only to fathers but to every believer.

At the end of our conversation, Cunningham told me about one of his favorite paintings, by a Coptic nun, portraying the flight into Egypt. "It depicts the infant Jesus sitting on the shoulders of a young, robust Joseph," he said. "Mary is actually standing at one side and a servant on the other." St. Joseph is at the center of the picture.

So the next time you're singing "Silent Night" and get to the part about the "Mother and child," don't forget about the fellow in the back, the guy who cared for them for the rest of his life, silently."

James Martin is a Jesuit priest and author of My Life With the Saints.

Ebb & Flow

I always hear about how when you're close in your relationship with God the devil is trying especially hard to get you to fall into sin.

Yesterday at Mass I was reminded of how when you fall into sin, God tries even harder to bring you back to Him.

God is good.

Redemption

PHEW!!!!

As of 3 PM yesterday, I am done with school for 2008. You have no idea how relieved I am. This quarter really became a struggle for me this last month. It's been nonstop movement...always on the go. I am looking forward to catching up on much needed sleep. Seriously, my body needs a rest. I've abused it with numerous cans of red bull and several 5 hour shots. Combine that with bad eating habits...not good. So here's to the days of bumming it in your PJs, laying on the couch and eating full meals. I can't wait! Sometimes we all need a little retreat from the world. I think I need one right about now. Who knows if I'll actually get it?

So looking back at the year of 2008...I feel like it's been a year of redemption for a lot of us. Whether it was at the beginning of the year or happening just now, it seems to me like many people are making some sort of a "come-back". People are getting back into their "element". Or maybe I'm just looking too much into it...especially after watching 24 Redemption..haha. Well all I've got left to say is...winter break here I come!!!!! :D

Happy Advent!

It's been a crazy month and a half...but hopefully the hustle will soon be over. I've been running on very minimal sleep for the past month, living off red bull and 5 hour shots, and surviving on a tight budget. The past four weekends consisted of 3 retreats and a hectic Thanksgiving break. It amazes me how I haven't just completely crashed already. I know that the main thing that keeps me going is my faith. This past weekend on retreat I was reminded of this:

"Nothing is more practical
than finding God,
that is, than falling in love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.

It will decide
what will get you out
of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you
with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything."

Pedro Arrupe, S.J.
former Superior General
Society of Jesus

Some people wonder how I never really stress out or go crazy during times like these. It's because I don't think I've ever felt more fulfilled and moved than I do now. This has been a very frustrating, confusing and yet peaceful journey for me these past few months. I really don't know what I'm going to do after I graduate, but I know that I am more open to the Spirit than I've ever been. That is what brings me comfort and gives me hope that whatever happens, I'm being led down the right path. Despite all the uncertainty, I am at peace that God has plans for me. I'm slowly and slowly learning to trust more. This past weekend on retreat, I was given this Bible verse "at random" (I put this in quotes because I know it was just another reminder from God)

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord, and I will change your lot; I will gather you together from all the nations and all the places to which I have banished you, says the Lord, and bring you back to the place from which I have exiled you.
-Jeremiah 29:11-14

I've heard these word before, but they been more true to me now than ever before. This is why I am at peace. I am happy and blessed to have spent my 21st birthday with Jesus on retreat. Great times. Thanks to all for the birthday greetings. It really made my weekend!

In other news, I found this rendition of my favorite Christmas song. Check it out and watch it all the way through. I promise it's worth it! Happy Advent everyone!

Advent Conspiracy / It Could Happen to You

I think it's sad that right after Halloween season, the media immediately goes into Christmas-consumerism mode. What about Thanksgiving?!?! Does it not at least deserve a mention? Granted that, yes, everyday should be a day of thanksgiving, but every season should be a season of joy and giving, too! All I'm saying is don't undermine Thanksgiving just because there's less money surrounding it (unless you count Black Friday). However, while we are on the topic of Christmas consumerism, I thought this video was interesting. I got this from Katrina Sacramento's post on Ed Noriega's wall:




On a lighter note. I thought this was funny:

American Prayer

This is it. The day has come. No matter how you vote, who you support, what propositions you stand by, this day is a historic day. I can't lie: I feel a sense of excitement over today. It is no secret which Presidential candidate I support. However, I'm not going to go on a political rant about who or what to vote for nor why we should vote certain ways. Instead I ask you all to pray with me in a very special way. I'm offering my vote up as a form of prayer. Not just for Democrats or their supporters, but for all of America. Prayer for justice, unity, peace, life, and love. I love America, but I know that the dignity of human life extends beyond national boundaries or political motivations. May we always be united first and foremost as one human race despite nationality, political affiliation, race, ethnicity, gender, religion, age, etc. Above all I want my vote to be a prayer for Hope. That is something I believe we, not as a nation but as a world, need more than anything else. I don't mean "hope" in the terms of optimism or inspiration. I mean Hope in the terms of the theological virtue. That desire for a happiness that surpasses anything this world has to offer; for something greater than ourselves. That desire is what will inspire real change not just in our politics, but in our day-to-day lives. Whoever our next President may be, whoever our Congressional leaders are, whoever our state legislators are, may they be filled with Hope. May we all be filled with Hope. November 4th, 2008: the day that ushers in a new era. Here we go. God bless America!

Amen.

Insight

So this past weekend I met a guy who really inspired me...not just because he's a Youth Minister, but because he's an awesome human being. He has such a joy for life that it's contagious. Read a few words and see why he's one of the people I truly respect and look up to now:

"Imagine you are gifted. You have an amazing ability to play the piano. Your talent is unmatched by 95% of the world.

Here is the problem: no one will ever play the piano for you. They say things like, "Oh. I could never play the piano for YOU. You are so talented…I'd just embarrass myself." The thing is…you aren't looking for a performance…you just want to see a little part of their heart. You just want them to try…and you LOVE it when they try.

Have you ever done that? "Oh. I could never…you are so much more…so much better…I'm sorry…I'd just embarrass myself."

I wonder if God feels like that piano player.

He loves you perfectly - and He asks you to love Him in return. …and I'm guessing He gets a whole bunch of stuttering and stammering apologies. "I could never speak for you. I could never write for you. I could never sing for you. I could never play for you. I could never dance for you. I could never live for you…after all…You are so much more than I am…You are so much better."

…but God isn't looking for a performance. He just wants your heart. He just wants you to try…and He LOVES it when you try."




"So yesterday I was working away in my office when the maintenance men walked by my door and laughed as they said, "Well…Jennifer is gonna have a rough day. Her truck has a flat tire." They just kept laughing and walking… Not cool. Jennifer drives an Excursion (BIG truck) and she is not the tire-changing type. Someone had to do something…and that someone…was me.

I told her about the tire and got her keys…and about 30 minutes later…her truck was ready to roll. Tire on a big truck changed. Grubby hands. Jeans covered in soot. Teeshirt covered with an assortment of oil and grease marks. …I was THE MAN!.

Then…I remembered about six months back. My friend Billie Sue called me from the middle of the Arizona desert. She was on the highway from Phoenix to Tucson when her tire blew. "David to the rescue!!!"

So…I get there and attempt to use the jack to lift her truck and change the tire (and be the hero). Well…the truck was on just the slightest of inclines and the jack tipped…and the truck fell on the axle. That is when Billie Sue called the REAL roadside assistance…they showed up…and finished the job I couldn't.

I didn't feel like much of a man that day.

Sometimes…when my prayer life is in order and I am feeling strong in my walk with God - I can start to feel like a real man of God. …but in those times when I get a little too sure of myself…I need to recall (just for a moment) mistakes I have made…what a fool I can be sometimes…and then I remember…

I am not just a man of God…but also…a man desperately in need God."
-dl

Rejuvenated

I had an experience this past weekend that I don't think anything has ever compared to. I am rejuvenated.

The retreat that I helped out with in Arizona was something else. I've learned so much from these teens and I love them to death. I'll be praying for them and can't wait to join them again in March.

Glory be!

Life is Good

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

I've been stressing out a lot lately. More so than I have in a while. However, I woke up this morning and, despite all the craziness and hustle of things, I was happy. Genuinely happy. It's ironic because today is the day I had the most to stress about considering I didn't know I had a midterm today until half an hour before I was supposed to leave (keep in mind I haven't done any of the reading for this class and the lectures teach me nothing). With that weighing over my head and uncompleted work (both school and my part-time job) I was still happy. Maybe I'm crazy, but I have no worries. Seriously..hakuna matata! It makes life so much better.

Dazed

We used to do a skit on retreat where people representing sins would circle around a girl and run around her creating a climactic whirlwind. I feel like I'm enveloped in something like that right now. Not necessarily trapped by sin, but I feel like I am in the center of a whirlwind of factors: school, work, ministry, clubs, friends, family and just trying to get some alone time for myself. I don't think I have enough hours in a day. In this whirlwind I feel like I'm losing focus, getting worn out, dazed and confused. On top of that is the myriad of options that face me after I graduate..."What are you going to do after you graduate?" I hear this question almost every week now either from my parents, friends, co-workers or random people that I meet when they find out I'm a fourth year. I DON'T KNOW! I have so many plans, doors opening for me, people pushing and pulling me in several directions...discernment is necessary.
On top of that, insecurities creep up on me every now and then...yes I do have them. Lately, some insecurities have been getting at me..slowly eating away at me. I fight them off, but they become nuisances and when I'm tired they can be killer. It's mainly about some the quality of my life these past years, my capabilities, etc. I really need sleep. I need rest...no time for it though.
On a lighter note, I've had to take the place of the receptionist at work since she's been out sick for the past 3 weeks. She claims to have Bronchitis, but the other day an agent told me she was really at a fat camp and had already lost 75 pounds. I laughed first thinking he was joking, but he seemed pretty serious. I don't know if its true or not. I just don't want to be receptionist anymore. BLAH!

Change!

Changes are coming! Changes are here!

I sense that everything, both good and bad, is building up to something big. Last night I just got really excited for the new skit on retreat. On the way to Austin's house, I saw a huge shooting star, and it was falling for the longest time I've ever seen a shooting star fall. I love the sky...especially at night. I feel like its God's way of showing off his skills. When I saw that star I just got really happy...so much at peace. I don't know why, but I feel this momentum building up for something big on the horizon to explode. Nothing bad...actually its going to be something great. Something perfect. Anybody else feel me on that? I'm on a roll.

I Can't Wait!!!

New Nationalism

I've always said that Theodore Roosevelt was my favorite President. I back this up half-jokingly by citing the "Teddy bear" and the fact that he basically incited a revolution in order to gain the Panama Canal. And who can forget the REAL OG Rough Riders (seriously...its like me telling a bunch of my friends to pick up some guns so we can go to Iraq and/or Afghanistan!!!). Seriously though, to me Theodore Roosevelt was one of the greatest Presidents to grace the Oval Office (up there with Lincoln, FDR and I want to argue Clinton, but thats saved for a whole different post). And despite the fact that Roosevelt was a Republican, I believe his greatest qualities were the ideals he stood for when he created the Bull Moose Party (aka the Progressive Party). His ideals were so far ahead of his time, and today I believe that it would be a great platform for the Democratic Party (shows you how times have changed and how polarized the political parties have become, huh?). It is my dream to enter politics for two reasons: 1) First and foremost to restore a rightful place for faith in politics (just because the masses don't share a common religion does not mean that faith has to be expelled from public life. Politics can very well be universally inclusive of all religions as opposed to indirectly exclusive to Judeo-Protestantism) and 2) to create a viable party that breaks the traditional two-party system. I would love to base a party platform on Theodore Roosevelt's speech in which he defines "New Nationalism" as the founding principles of his failed Bull Moose Party (Progressive Party).

Check it out:
Theodore Roosevelt's New Nationalism Speech


Some highlights I would like to point out:

"We come here to-day to commemorate one of the epoch-making events of the long struggle for the rights of man—the long struggle for the uplift of humanity. Our country—this great Republic—means nothing unless it means the triumph of a real democracy, the triumph of popular government, and, in the long run, of an economic system under which each man shall be guaranteed the opportunity to show the best that there is in him. That is why the history of America is now the central feature of the history of the world; for the world has set its face hopefully toward our democracy; and, O my fellow citizens, each one of you carries on your shoulders not only the burden of doing well for the sake of your country, but the burden of doing well and of seeing that this nation does well for the sake of mankind."

"Of that generation of men to whom we owe so much, the man to whom we owe most is, of course, Lincoln. Part of our debt to him is because he forecast our present struggle and saw the way out. He said:

'I hold that while man exists it is his duty to improve not only his own condition, but to assist in ameliorating mankind.'

And again:

'Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.'

If that remark was original with me, I should be even more strongly denounced as a Communist agitator than I shall be anyhow. It is Lincoln’s. I am only quoting it; and that is one side; that is the side the capitalist should hear. Now, let the working man hear his side.

'Capital has its rights, which are as worthy of protection as any other rights. . . . Nor should this lead to a war upon the owners of property. Property is the fruit of labor; . . . property is desirable; is a positive good in the world.'

And then comes a thoroughly Lincoln-like sentence:

'Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another, but let him work diligently and build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built.'"



"Practical equality of opportunity for all citizens, when we achieve it, will have two great results. First, every man will have a fair chance to make of himself all that in him lies; to reach the highest point to which his capacities, unassisted by special privilege of his own and unhampered by the special privilege of others, can carry him, and to get for himself and his family substantially what he has earned. Second, equality of opportunity means that the commonwealth will get from every citizen the highest service of which he is capable. No man who carries the burden of the special privileges of another can give to the commonwealth that service to which it is fairly entitled.

I stand for the square deal. But when I say that I am for the square deal, I mean not merely that I stand for fair play under the present rules of the game, but that I stand for having those rules changed so as to work for a more substantial equality of opportunity and of reward for equally good service. One word of warning, which, I think, is hardly necessary in Kansas. When I say I want a square deal for the poor man, I do not mean that I want a square deal for the man who remains poor because he has not got the energy to work for himself. If a man who has had a chance will not make good, then he has got to quit. And you men of the Grand Army, you want justice for the brave man who fought, and punishment for the coward who shirked his work. Is that not so?"

"We grudge no man a fortune in civil life if it is honorably obtained and well used. It is not even enough that it should have been gained without doing damage to the community. We should permit it to be gained only so long as the gaining represents benefit to the community. This, I know, implies a policy of a far more active governmental interference with social and economic conditions in this country than we have yet had, but I think we have got to face the fact that such an increase in governmental control is now necessary."

"A word of special warning to my fellow citizens who are as progressive as I hope I am. I want them to keep up their interest in our international affairs; and I want them also continually to remember Uncle Sam’s interests abroad. Justice and fair dealings among nations rest upon principles identical with those which control justice and fair dealing among the individuals of which nations are composed, with the vital exception that each nation must do its own part in international police work."

"Conservation means development as much as it does protection. I recognize the right and duty of this generation to develop and use the natural resources of our land; but I do not recognize the right to waste them, or to rob, by wasteful use, the generations that come after us."

"The fundamental thing to do for every man is to give him a chance to reach a place in which he will make the greatest possible contribution to the public welfare. Understand what I say there. Give him a chance, not push him up if he will not be pushed. Help any man who stumbles; if he lies down, it is a poor job to try to carry him; but if he is a worthy man, try your best to see that he gets a chance to show the worth that is in him. No man can be a good citizen unless he has a wage more than sufficient to cover the bare cost of living, and hours of labor short enough so after his day’s work is done he will have time and energy to bear his share in the management of the community, to help in carrying the general load. We keep countless men from being good citizens by the conditions of life by which we surround them."

"I do not ask for the over centralization; but I do ask that we work in a spirit of broad and far-reaching nationalism where we work for what concerns our people as a whole. We are all Americans. Our common interests are as broad as the continent."

"The object of government is the welfare of the people. The material progress and prosperity of a nation are desirable chiefly so long as they lead to the moral and material welfare of all good citizens."

"The prime problem of our nation is to get the right type of good citizenship, and, to get it, we must have progress, and our public men must be genuinely progressive."

These are just the basic ideas. I'm telling you..READ THE SPEECH!! Vote for me in 16 years! haha.

Okay..that is enough of my poli sci rant. Until 2024...

ROCK THE VOTE!

Jesus was a Community Organizer, Pontius Pilate was a Governor

Crackberry

I couldn't resist. I bought a Blackberry Curve (her name is Scarlett). I freaking love this thing. I thought it would be appropriate for me to enter this blog WITH my Blackberry since that's what this post is about. I just hope I have a better relationship with her than with my past phones (my last one got run over...and still worked).
The other day Mai Anh and I watched Vicky Christina Barcelona. It is a REALLY good film. I dare to say one of Woody Allen's best. It really makes you think about what you want in life, your priorities and how social norms affect our goals. As Jack said inThe Departed...I fon't want to be aproduct of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. If nothing else, Vicky Christina Barcelona makes me want to travel to Europe.and just live in the moment. Oh what I would give in order to live as a nomad..

Wicked

This past week has been quite a hectic one, but in a good way. Last Thursday I went to a discernment group in Tustin after the Crosstrainer meeting. There had Holy Hour from 9-10 and then the group session started from 10-11. It was great meeting people discerning their vocation and getting to know some really cool priests. Its funny how some priests totally break the mold of the stereotypical priest and show that they're just like us wanting to have a good time.

Speaking of which: Andrew's going away party was Friday night. It was good times as always. Its crazy how much love was in the room that night. Everybody is so proud and happy for Andrew that he's stepping up to his vocation to the priesthood (I'm especially proud that its with the Jesuits!!). Its really inspiring to have a close friend display such discipleship. On Sunday, I had the privelege of being asked to be with him as he moved into his Novitiate House in Culver City. They have some pretty nice digs. I also found out through Andrew that people who are discerning can actually stay there for a few days and shadow a Novice, just to get a sense of what its like. I'm really interested in that now...at least I know for sure that I haven't seen the last of Andrew. Who knows? I may be following in his footsteps next year..haha. What really got me though is that as I had to leave early (because of Guys' Night at St. Paul) I didn't feel sadness, loss, or that bittersweet goodbye. It was as if I knew that I would be seeing him again...and I will. I'm certain of it. I know that we're always going to be connected through God and the Church. I'm proud of him...I'm a better man for knowing Andrew and being blessed with his friendship. God bless him and St. Ignatius pray for him.

I got to see Wicked on Saturday night...AMAZING show. Totally throws the Wizard of Oz upside down (despite the fact I've never seen it in its entirety). Everytime I watch a stage show...the acting bug just bites me in the butt. I really miss theatre.

So as of this moment..I am really excited. I can't really say for what yet, but know that (hopefully) we're on the verge of something great. Something new. Something exciting. Just join me in praying for it & if everything goes according to plan, you'll be the first to know. (Now I know why Obama built up the suspense for his VP pick...this is kinda cool. haha =P)

Element

So I sat through an amazing night at Summer Revival last night. It was really a treat. Got to hear Nick Bajet sing with Carlo.I got to see some cool bands like Provence and Simple Servants. However, the highlight of the night for me was watching Fiat perform. I think Pat said it best when he described the way Richelle sings as there being something different when she sings for God. It really makes her shine. As with the rest of Fiat.. they truly shined in my eyes last night with a damn good performance and great song selections (Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs fyi). Some of which really hit me...

As I sat there I felt a twinge of sadness. The notorious metaphorical void we all feel sometimes. And as I was feeling this...I just observed Fiat. For some reason I was slightly envious of them. And then it hit me...I thought back to one of Lauren Menor's posts about what it means to "be in your element". Fiat was shining because they were in their element. Richelle and Austin singing/playing guitar, Martin on the drums, Ray on bass, and Mike on keyboard all for the love of God. I knew God wanted them all to be there on that stage performing in His name. They were in their element. And I think thats the void I was feeling. The past few months have been getting harder and harder for me and I don't know why. Its hard fighting back the feeling of spiritual dryness sometimes. I realized last night that the void I'm feeling is the lack of my ability to be in my own element; and a big part of that is the fact that I don't know what my own element is. I don't know where God wants me to be or what direction I should be taking. I guess I'd call it a semi-identity crisis. Is it acting? CrossTraining? My work? UCI? Running? WHAT?! I know its probably not just a single one of these things, but its frustrating to feel as though you're at a standstill no matter what you do. In the end though... there is Hope. If there was no Hope I wouldn't try anymore. I wouldn't keep searching. Fiat's closing song was very appropriate for me.. Don't Stop Believing! I won't. I know there are plans for me. I just pray I can do those plans justice when it is my time. St. Ignatius pray for me.

Quantum of Solace

Need I say more?!

Who am I?

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I ended my last post by stating "Until you know what you want, you can't even begin to understand who you are". Maybe I had it wrong. Maybe its the other way around. Until you know who you are, you can't even begin to know what you want. Perhaps thats the key. When leading the last retreat in May, I shared with everyone about my "mask" and I remember painting a large question mark on the inside because, as I said, "I really don't know who I am yet, and its okay because all I know for certain is that I am a son of God, your brother in Christ". When one gets lost along the path, sometimes its best to start back at the beginning. In this ball of confusion and my ever-changing understanding of myself and the world I live in, one thing remains constant: "Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!"

I'll start there.

What Do You Want?

I've been experiencing a sort of spiritual drought lately. It's not like I'm going crazy or not caring about my faith or anything. It's just that I haven't felt my faith alive. I know God is there and I know everything in my life is a blessing. However, the daily grind and monotony of life can make it hard to experience it. Maybe I'm lacking in Hope. Who knows? Still, its times like these where one should take their own advice. I once told someone else who was experiencing this that spiritual dryness is like that "side-stitch" pain you feel in your side sometimes when you run. The only way to get through it is to keep running.By running through it, the pain will subside and you will actually increase your performance. So my advice that I need to take...keep running. Persevere. Persist. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
On another note, I think I'm ready for a change (no...not the Obama type of change =P..sorry Poli Sci nerd here speaking...). I just need a change of pace or something. A new job maybe? A new hobby? A new way of doing things? I don't know. Just some kind of change would be nice. Maybe its this whole sciatica thing thats been getting me down lately...I mean literally waking up in pain everyday doesn't really brighten one's life. However, suffering (both physical and emotional/spiritual) is a blessing to be embraced.
I think something really clicked at the last Guys Night at St. Paul...we were talking about how we know all we need to know concerning faith, but its all about what you want that determines your choices and the direction your life takes. I was reminded of the story where the beggar ran through a crowd screaming Jesus' name just to get His attention when everyone else was trying to stop the man. Jesus turned to the man and just asked him.."What do you want?" I don't know what I want. If Jesus asked me that right now, I wouldn't know what to ask for. Maybe thats what it is...I have all the tools at my disposal and all the graces one could hope for, but you need to know what you want in order to make the right choices and ultimately be happy. Until you know what you want, you can't even begin to understand who you are.

Focus...

I lack focus. I can't study!!! Its okay though, because i finished my first final and kicked its @$$!!!! Another final in about an hour (and I should be studying for it) then a take home final essay and one last final exam on thursday. Woo hoo!!

I'm thinking of switching jobs...to what...I don't know. I got some plans though and I'm making some moves. Nothing is definite yet.

I feel some big changes are coming on the horizon for this summer and the next school year/ Crosstraining season following it. As a good friend of mine says"It's all about CHOICES." Choices make us who we are and determine our successes/failures. Hopefully, I make the right ones. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and CHOOSE to be more responsible and morally strong.

So Clinton is out of the race which makes me sad. I think I'm rooting for her to be VP, which I keep going back and forth on... I think that my first pick would make a great VP though...BILL RICHARDSON!! Obama/Richardson...yeah...that'd be a winning ticket right there. I still have some reservations over Obama...but it looks like I'll have to jump on the Obama bandwagon. I can't believe I'm blogging on politics...

So..personal life...I don't know. Life is a frenzy. Like I said earlier...choices. Another tough thing is dealing with other people's free will...their ignorance, pressure, stubbornness, self-centered attitudes and immaturity. It gets hard not to judge...but I know I shouldn't. Oh well. I think I'm trying to get over a spiritual dryness at the moment. Thus, the lack of motivation with certain things (such as schoolwork). Bleh...I gotta get out of this valley...

On a more positive note (for me anyways and other Laker haters) --- GO CELTICS!! hahahaa!

Lame

So my sciatic nerve has been pinched/irritated/something to where there is now a constant pain that radiates throughout my whole leg. I couldn't walk from Friday to Monday afternoon. Even now I can barely walk and the pain isn't gone...just bearable with Vicodin and the other prescriptions they gave me. At the same time I've been fighting a cold. I've been through so much physical discomfort this week while trying to get through the last week of instruction for this quarter. It sucked and was quite lame (get it..lame- as in can't move...ha..ha..no?). ANYWAYS...being disabled I had to rely on others for almost everything. Being disabled makes me realize how important the small act of charity are. The little things like getting somebody a glass of water helped make my life so much easier. So thank you to everybody who has helped me in all the small ways this past week: my family, my friends, my roomates and even strangers (nurses at hospitals are really nice btw). Those seemingly simple/ insignificant tasks can really make a big difference. Wow, another lesson learned through the simplicity of life. It's amazing how much we take things for granted...like the ability to walk itself. I can't wait for summer to get time to relax and get my life back in order. One more week..

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas

Cinematic Adventures

I just need to say, if you haven't watched Iron Man yet...GO SEE IT!



I also want to see this REALLY BADLY..


I'm a movie junkie right now...P.S. I Love You is a GREAT movie! Watch it.

I never really was a big Narnia fan...I liked the book and the first movie, but I'm not CRAZY about it. However, everybody's good reviews makes me want to watch it.

But for now...I can't wait for my next cinematic adventure!

(insert Indiana Jones theme song here)

Okay. Back to work.

You Are Loved

It's so funny....you can get so wrapped up in your own world, and your own concerns, and your own intentions (no matter how good they may be); but you can still overlook such a critical situation right in front of you...even after its been spelled out for you. Today I just learned a valuable lesson...don't underestimate the value of telling somebody you love them. No. Forget telling them- SHOW THEM. 

Today I was wrapping my mind around things such as theological concepts, the state of the middle east, US foreign policy, schoolwork and my own faith life. Then it hit me - a situation that was brought to my attention had just escalated. This is what they call a "sleeper". That seemingly controlled issue that you briefly concern yourself with and then ease your mind about only to have it blow up to something worse. Could I have done more? Of course I could have.. Could I have shown more love? OF COURSE! You know...I always thought that I'd have to join the military, enter politics, be a priest, be rich or something to affect other lives positively. All of these dreams and aspirations and wondering about my future mean nothing when faced with the present. All of these will come later, but later is not guaranteed. So why waste time on "later"? I was just mentioning to a friend of mine that the Church and the Body of Christ in the Eucharist is a living body concerned with the PRESENT. The past is done with, the present is different and the future will handle itself. Therefore, the PRESENT is what we need to focus on. We don't need to wait for our future to come in order to do something great with our lives - it starts now. We are living now. STOP WAITING! And what can affect lives more so than love?

Love can save lives. If only I could love more. If only I was more of an example of that love...how blind was I? How did I not concern myself more? Am I that naive? Or am I that insensitive/ inconsiderate/ self-absorbed? I hope its not too late. I hope I learn....learn to tell others that I love them. Not with words, but with my actions, my presence of mind, body, heart and soul. INVESTMENT!! I keep talking about how God's love is the accumulation of our divine relationship AND human relationship. How did I not practice what I preach? Did I really not grasp what I was saying until now? How easy it is to say or preach something as opposed to fully grasping that concept and living it.  INVEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TODAY! If you call someone a "friend", BE THAT FRIEND! If you love someone, then LOVE THEM! NOW!!! THE MISSION IS URGENT BUT SO EASILY ACCOMPLISHED WITH LOVE! "Uncompromising Simplicity" right? That was what Jesus told me in adoration one day...how did I forget?! Ugh...

To that person...and to all my friends, whether I've truly been a friend or not (and if not, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart), I love you. YOU ARE LOVED! And I hope that I can learn to tell you that more...not with empty words, rhetoric, or even blog posts...but with MY LOVE IN ACTION.

Our Lady Queen of Angels...pray for us.

Buying In

So I've done it...for so long I've always been opposed to online blogging thinking that it is a conceited notion to think that the whole world would want to read your thoughts. However, its easier for me to type than to handwrite my thoughts when they're running a mile-a-minute. I won't be posting for the benefit of the readers as much as I hope for this to be a place to speak my mind and document certain revelations on life. So I guess this is it...I didn't sell out, I've bought into this world of blogspot. hah.