Element

So I sat through an amazing night at Summer Revival last night. It was really a treat. Got to hear Nick Bajet sing with Carlo.I got to see some cool bands like Provence and Simple Servants. However, the highlight of the night for me was watching Fiat perform. I think Pat said it best when he described the way Richelle sings as there being something different when she sings for God. It really makes her shine. As with the rest of Fiat.. they truly shined in my eyes last night with a damn good performance and great song selections (Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs fyi). Some of which really hit me...

As I sat there I felt a twinge of sadness. The notorious metaphorical void we all feel sometimes. And as I was feeling this...I just observed Fiat. For some reason I was slightly envious of them. And then it hit me...I thought back to one of Lauren Menor's posts about what it means to "be in your element". Fiat was shining because they were in their element. Richelle and Austin singing/playing guitar, Martin on the drums, Ray on bass, and Mike on keyboard all for the love of God. I knew God wanted them all to be there on that stage performing in His name. They were in their element. And I think thats the void I was feeling. The past few months have been getting harder and harder for me and I don't know why. Its hard fighting back the feeling of spiritual dryness sometimes. I realized last night that the void I'm feeling is the lack of my ability to be in my own element; and a big part of that is the fact that I don't know what my own element is. I don't know where God wants me to be or what direction I should be taking. I guess I'd call it a semi-identity crisis. Is it acting? CrossTraining? My work? UCI? Running? WHAT?! I know its probably not just a single one of these things, but its frustrating to feel as though you're at a standstill no matter what you do. In the end though... there is Hope. If there was no Hope I wouldn't try anymore. I wouldn't keep searching. Fiat's closing song was very appropriate for me.. Don't Stop Believing! I won't. I know there are plans for me. I just pray I can do those plans justice when it is my time. St. Ignatius pray for me.