During the week I was in the Philippines I had an amazing experience. Life changing, actually.
I got to meet a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins on my dad's side that I've never met in my whole life. This is a big deal to me, because I've always wanted to meet them. I never really met or knew of my dad's side of the family until 2008. Then, in the beginning of 2009 I get to meet the majority of my dad's siblings and their families. It really was heartwarming and truly made me value family. I finally got to see what the Pangindian clan is all about.
My brother got married. The wedding was beautiful to say the least. The priest, Fr. John Cordero, is actually Ryan Roxas' uncle and it was his birthday on the day of my brother's wedding! Crazy small world! It was the first Catholic wedding I really got to experience and be a part of. I couldn't have been more honored and blessed to be involved with the sacrament that my brother and his wife took part in. The reception was good times; and it was great to be surrounded by family and friends. And plus, Jay and Rachelle were able to make it out to the wedding & reception! I haven't been that happy in a long time, and it was because I was surrounded by love that day.
Just from looking back at the whole trip and the experience of it all, I am completely humbled, appreciative and more motivated than ever before. I can say that it was a life-changing experience because of all the transitions I got to witness. I saw my brother transition into a sacramental marriage. I watched Obama's inauguration and saw America transition into a new era.
I also saw my perspective of my life in America transition into something greater than what I had previously thought it to be..let me explain: My most memorable moments of the Philippines were all the times I sat in the van while being driven through the cities only to see poor people all around going about their lives. I saw domestic servants working for wealthier families. I saw people living in landfills. This was important to me because I saw how hopeless these people were in terms of social mobility in the Philippines. This made me think of the America I was going to return to and all the opportunities I have that they don't. How can I continue to live so carelessly and half-ass my way through these amazing blessings I have?! I can't continue to just do the status-quo in order to pass a class. I can't just waste my time and let me talents go to waste when I could be honing certain skills...not anymore. Obama's campaign ran on the slogan "Yes We Can". I do believe that we can, however, what's more important is that we MUST. I must! And I will. Not just because I should or I want to, but for the mere fact that "I Can" when so many others cannot. So many others would give their lives just to eat the food I eat, attend the university I attend, wear the clothes on my back or work at the office I work in. For these people that couldn't even dream of such luxuries, I will strive to achieve my full potential with humility and a responsibility for the less fortunate.
At the same time, from a country that seemed so poor I felt like I was surrounded by riches. There is just something about the culture, the food, and most importantly, the family in the Philippines. In whatever endeavors I pursue and whatever successes may come my way, I cannot afford to lose the riches of family that I have been graced with. I got to see not just my extended family bond, but my immediate family bond in a way that I haven't seen in such a long time. I saw my father and mother in love. I saw my new sister welcomed into the family. And I saw the two older brothers that I always looked up to be not just my brothers, but my friends. I love my family, and part of my newfound motivation is dedicated in their honor.
So here I am back at home. I am traveled, humbled, motivated and most of all loved. I have countless opportunities available to me. It is now my obligation to my family (both here and in the Philippines), God and the world that I make the most out of my life. I thought I knew so much already. I thought I was already pretty wise by my faith and experience. No, perhaps the most important lesson I learned in the Philippines is realizing how much I did not know. It was revealed to me how much of myself I did not know. I discovered a piece of myself over there, and the only way to do this past trip justice is to bring that piece of myself back with me here before the rest of the world and God. It took me a while to let everything I had experienced marinate in my head and figure things out. However, after watching Good Will Hunting last night it all made sense...the experience of life and making the most of it... Robin Williams performed this monologue in that movie...I think it best explains how i feel God was speaking to me in the Philippines... especially regarding my faith life:
So if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that.
If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy.
You’re a tough kid. And I’d ask you about war, you’d probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, “once more unto the breach dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help.
I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms “visiting hours” don’t apply to you.
You don’t know about real loss, ‘cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you… I don’t see an intelligent, confident man… I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you’re a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart.
You’re an orphan right? You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally… I don’t give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that do you sport? You’re terrified of what you might say.
Your move, chief.
P.S.- i saw Andrew Laguna when I got off my plane at LAX. He was holding up a sign "SJ". I asked him what he was doing there and he told me he was there to pick up a Filipino Jesuit priest that, apparently, was on the same flight as me. I keep having this sense that I keep getting drawn to him somehow. Is God giving me a sign? Am I too afraid to recognize it?
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