What Do You Want?

I've been experiencing a sort of spiritual drought lately. It's not like I'm going crazy or not caring about my faith or anything. It's just that I haven't felt my faith alive. I know God is there and I know everything in my life is a blessing. However, the daily grind and monotony of life can make it hard to experience it. Maybe I'm lacking in Hope. Who knows? Still, its times like these where one should take their own advice. I once told someone else who was experiencing this that spiritual dryness is like that "side-stitch" pain you feel in your side sometimes when you run. The only way to get through it is to keep running.By running through it, the pain will subside and you will actually increase your performance. So my advice that I need to take...keep running. Persevere. Persist. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
On another note, I think I'm ready for a change (no...not the Obama type of change =P..sorry Poli Sci nerd here speaking...). I just need a change of pace or something. A new job maybe? A new hobby? A new way of doing things? I don't know. Just some kind of change would be nice. Maybe its this whole sciatica thing thats been getting me down lately...I mean literally waking up in pain everyday doesn't really brighten one's life. However, suffering (both physical and emotional/spiritual) is a blessing to be embraced.
I think something really clicked at the last Guys Night at St. Paul...we were talking about how we know all we need to know concerning faith, but its all about what you want that determines your choices and the direction your life takes. I was reminded of the story where the beggar ran through a crowd screaming Jesus' name just to get His attention when everyone else was trying to stop the man. Jesus turned to the man and just asked him.."What do you want?" I don't know what I want. If Jesus asked me that right now, I wouldn't know what to ask for. Maybe thats what it is...I have all the tools at my disposal and all the graces one could hope for, but you need to know what you want in order to make the right choices and ultimately be happy. Until you know what you want, you can't even begin to understand who you are.

Focus...

I lack focus. I can't study!!! Its okay though, because i finished my first final and kicked its @$$!!!! Another final in about an hour (and I should be studying for it) then a take home final essay and one last final exam on thursday. Woo hoo!!

I'm thinking of switching jobs...to what...I don't know. I got some plans though and I'm making some moves. Nothing is definite yet.

I feel some big changes are coming on the horizon for this summer and the next school year/ Crosstraining season following it. As a good friend of mine says"It's all about CHOICES." Choices make us who we are and determine our successes/failures. Hopefully, I make the right ones. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and CHOOSE to be more responsible and morally strong.

So Clinton is out of the race which makes me sad. I think I'm rooting for her to be VP, which I keep going back and forth on... I think that my first pick would make a great VP though...BILL RICHARDSON!! Obama/Richardson...yeah...that'd be a winning ticket right there. I still have some reservations over Obama...but it looks like I'll have to jump on the Obama bandwagon. I can't believe I'm blogging on politics...

So..personal life...I don't know. Life is a frenzy. Like I said earlier...choices. Another tough thing is dealing with other people's free will...their ignorance, pressure, stubbornness, self-centered attitudes and immaturity. It gets hard not to judge...but I know I shouldn't. Oh well. I think I'm trying to get over a spiritual dryness at the moment. Thus, the lack of motivation with certain things (such as schoolwork). Bleh...I gotta get out of this valley...

On a more positive note (for me anyways and other Laker haters) --- GO CELTICS!! hahahaa!

Lame

So my sciatic nerve has been pinched/irritated/something to where there is now a constant pain that radiates throughout my whole leg. I couldn't walk from Friday to Monday afternoon. Even now I can barely walk and the pain isn't gone...just bearable with Vicodin and the other prescriptions they gave me. At the same time I've been fighting a cold. I've been through so much physical discomfort this week while trying to get through the last week of instruction for this quarter. It sucked and was quite lame (get it..lame- as in can't move...ha..ha..no?). ANYWAYS...being disabled I had to rely on others for almost everything. Being disabled makes me realize how important the small act of charity are. The little things like getting somebody a glass of water helped make my life so much easier. So thank you to everybody who has helped me in all the small ways this past week: my family, my friends, my roomates and even strangers (nurses at hospitals are really nice btw). Those seemingly simple/ insignificant tasks can really make a big difference. Wow, another lesson learned through the simplicity of life. It's amazing how much we take things for granted...like the ability to walk itself. I can't wait for summer to get time to relax and get my life back in order. One more week..

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas

Cinematic Adventures

I just need to say, if you haven't watched Iron Man yet...GO SEE IT!



I also want to see this REALLY BADLY..


I'm a movie junkie right now...P.S. I Love You is a GREAT movie! Watch it.

I never really was a big Narnia fan...I liked the book and the first movie, but I'm not CRAZY about it. However, everybody's good reviews makes me want to watch it.

But for now...I can't wait for my next cinematic adventure!

(insert Indiana Jones theme song here)

Okay. Back to work.

You Are Loved

It's so funny....you can get so wrapped up in your own world, and your own concerns, and your own intentions (no matter how good they may be); but you can still overlook such a critical situation right in front of you...even after its been spelled out for you. Today I just learned a valuable lesson...don't underestimate the value of telling somebody you love them. No. Forget telling them- SHOW THEM. 

Today I was wrapping my mind around things such as theological concepts, the state of the middle east, US foreign policy, schoolwork and my own faith life. Then it hit me - a situation that was brought to my attention had just escalated. This is what they call a "sleeper". That seemingly controlled issue that you briefly concern yourself with and then ease your mind about only to have it blow up to something worse. Could I have done more? Of course I could have.. Could I have shown more love? OF COURSE! You know...I always thought that I'd have to join the military, enter politics, be a priest, be rich or something to affect other lives positively. All of these dreams and aspirations and wondering about my future mean nothing when faced with the present. All of these will come later, but later is not guaranteed. So why waste time on "later"? I was just mentioning to a friend of mine that the Church and the Body of Christ in the Eucharist is a living body concerned with the PRESENT. The past is done with, the present is different and the future will handle itself. Therefore, the PRESENT is what we need to focus on. We don't need to wait for our future to come in order to do something great with our lives - it starts now. We are living now. STOP WAITING! And what can affect lives more so than love?

Love can save lives. If only I could love more. If only I was more of an example of that love...how blind was I? How did I not concern myself more? Am I that naive? Or am I that insensitive/ inconsiderate/ self-absorbed? I hope its not too late. I hope I learn....learn to tell others that I love them. Not with words, but with my actions, my presence of mind, body, heart and soul. INVESTMENT!! I keep talking about how God's love is the accumulation of our divine relationship AND human relationship. How did I not practice what I preach? Did I really not grasp what I was saying until now? How easy it is to say or preach something as opposed to fully grasping that concept and living it.  INVEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TODAY! If you call someone a "friend", BE THAT FRIEND! If you love someone, then LOVE THEM! NOW!!! THE MISSION IS URGENT BUT SO EASILY ACCOMPLISHED WITH LOVE! "Uncompromising Simplicity" right? That was what Jesus told me in adoration one day...how did I forget?! Ugh...

To that person...and to all my friends, whether I've truly been a friend or not (and if not, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart), I love you. YOU ARE LOVED! And I hope that I can learn to tell you that more...not with empty words, rhetoric, or even blog posts...but with MY LOVE IN ACTION.

Our Lady Queen of Angels...pray for us.

Buying In

So I've done it...for so long I've always been opposed to online blogging thinking that it is a conceited notion to think that the whole world would want to read your thoughts. However, its easier for me to type than to handwrite my thoughts when they're running a mile-a-minute. I won't be posting for the benefit of the readers as much as I hope for this to be a place to speak my mind and document certain revelations on life. So I guess this is it...I didn't sell out, I've bought into this world of blogspot. hah.