What Do You Want?

I've been experiencing a sort of spiritual drought lately. It's not like I'm going crazy or not caring about my faith or anything. It's just that I haven't felt my faith alive. I know God is there and I know everything in my life is a blessing. However, the daily grind and monotony of life can make it hard to experience it. Maybe I'm lacking in Hope. Who knows? Still, its times like these where one should take their own advice. I once told someone else who was experiencing this that spiritual dryness is like that "side-stitch" pain you feel in your side sometimes when you run. The only way to get through it is to keep running.By running through it, the pain will subside and you will actually increase your performance. So my advice that I need to take...keep running. Persevere. Persist. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
On another note, I think I'm ready for a change (no...not the Obama type of change =P..sorry Poli Sci nerd here speaking...). I just need a change of pace or something. A new job maybe? A new hobby? A new way of doing things? I don't know. Just some kind of change would be nice. Maybe its this whole sciatica thing thats been getting me down lately...I mean literally waking up in pain everyday doesn't really brighten one's life. However, suffering (both physical and emotional/spiritual) is a blessing to be embraced.
I think something really clicked at the last Guys Night at St. Paul...we were talking about how we know all we need to know concerning faith, but its all about what you want that determines your choices and the direction your life takes. I was reminded of the story where the beggar ran through a crowd screaming Jesus' name just to get His attention when everyone else was trying to stop the man. Jesus turned to the man and just asked him.."What do you want?" I don't know what I want. If Jesus asked me that right now, I wouldn't know what to ask for. Maybe thats what it is...I have all the tools at my disposal and all the graces one could hope for, but you need to know what you want in order to make the right choices and ultimately be happy. Until you know what you want, you can't even begin to understand who you are.

Focus...

I lack focus. I can't study!!! Its okay though, because i finished my first final and kicked its @$$!!!! Another final in about an hour (and I should be studying for it) then a take home final essay and one last final exam on thursday. Woo hoo!!

I'm thinking of switching jobs...to what...I don't know. I got some plans though and I'm making some moves. Nothing is definite yet.

I feel some big changes are coming on the horizon for this summer and the next school year/ Crosstraining season following it. As a good friend of mine says"It's all about CHOICES." Choices make us who we are and determine our successes/failures. Hopefully, I make the right ones. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and CHOOSE to be more responsible and morally strong.

So Clinton is out of the race which makes me sad. I think I'm rooting for her to be VP, which I keep going back and forth on... I think that my first pick would make a great VP though...BILL RICHARDSON!! Obama/Richardson...yeah...that'd be a winning ticket right there. I still have some reservations over Obama...but it looks like I'll have to jump on the Obama bandwagon. I can't believe I'm blogging on politics...

So..personal life...I don't know. Life is a frenzy. Like I said earlier...choices. Another tough thing is dealing with other people's free will...their ignorance, pressure, stubbornness, self-centered attitudes and immaturity. It gets hard not to judge...but I know I shouldn't. Oh well. I think I'm trying to get over a spiritual dryness at the moment. Thus, the lack of motivation with certain things (such as schoolwork). Bleh...I gotta get out of this valley...

On a more positive note (for me anyways and other Laker haters) --- GO CELTICS!! hahahaa!

Lame

So my sciatic nerve has been pinched/irritated/something to where there is now a constant pain that radiates throughout my whole leg. I couldn't walk from Friday to Monday afternoon. Even now I can barely walk and the pain isn't gone...just bearable with Vicodin and the other prescriptions they gave me. At the same time I've been fighting a cold. I've been through so much physical discomfort this week while trying to get through the last week of instruction for this quarter. It sucked and was quite lame (get it..lame- as in can't move...ha..ha..no?). ANYWAYS...being disabled I had to rely on others for almost everything. Being disabled makes me realize how important the small act of charity are. The little things like getting somebody a glass of water helped make my life so much easier. So thank you to everybody who has helped me in all the small ways this past week: my family, my friends, my roomates and even strangers (nurses at hospitals are really nice btw). Those seemingly simple/ insignificant tasks can really make a big difference. Wow, another lesson learned through the simplicity of life. It's amazing how much we take things for granted...like the ability to walk itself. I can't wait for summer to get time to relax and get my life back in order. One more week..

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas